Step 1, Blog

Hey guys and gals, this is my first post to the bflyzone. Otherwise known as the Butterfly Zone, but some bastard already took that name so bflyzone it is. I have decorated this page with a preformed theme in that putrid yellow you see in front of you. Hope you like it, cause it ain’t going nowhere. Loving this! Blogging! Freedom!

Okay, I actually have been dreading this part, but alas, the gods of the publishing world said I must do it or a falcon would swoop down and peck my liver out every single day for the rest of eternity, AND I BELIEVE THEM, so here I go head long into making myself visible on the internet. Woo hoo. Platforming!

I’ll start off at the easiest place possible…today. Today I spent 80 bucks on an online seminar given by writer’s digest. It was about how to get an agent and how to get published in the 21st century. It was given by Lori Perkins and Louise Fury from the Perkins agency. What an awesome seminar! I learned so so much. Thank you ladies. This is what I learned.

Number 1, I need to build a platform…you know, one of those things you stand on because if you don’t have a platform you would have to stand on the ground and… that doesn’t… make any sense at all. Dogs poop on the ground, and there’s grass there…and you do NOT want to stand on it.

When I think of platforms, I can’t help but think of Survivor. I don’t want to stand on that bastard for four hours. Screw that. Jeff, I’ll get naked for chocolate and peanut butter. Then I’ll hop into the gator infested water after I’ve shown the world my cooter! Platforms platforms. Don’t want one. Gotta have one. What can you do?

Next, my manuscript is too damn long! I’ve been playing manuscript strip poker for way way too long. Can’t I just let this baby live? Apparently I’m going to have to cut off a few more fingers and toes and maybe and arm or two before To Love a Beast will sell. I finished writing this book 2 years ago. 2 years! It has gone from 150,000 words when I started editing. Then to 125,000 words a few months ago, and today I have gotten it down to 109,000. SIGH! I think if I unraveled anymore story from this child of mine, I’d have to rip my heart out and slam it on the table. It reminds me of that old Wheezer song “Watch me unravel, I’ll soon be naked…” This manuscript is going to be naked before long. 80,000 words? I guess I’ll have to attempt it if I ever want to be published. Excuse me for being too deep.

I got another long lesson about writing query letters, between these two ladies and the queryshark, I should be a genius by now…no? Okay fine. There obviously is something wrong with my querying skills. I melted my query down to 250 words this morning at 4:00 AM. Aric told me to do it, so I did and it worked because Aric keeps his promises. I have written this same query a hundred times a hundred different ways. This is possibly the shortest the thing has ever gotten. I’m used to 10 pt font 8 pt font cramming every last word I could onto the page, but I did it this time. 250 words. Cuttin’ out the flab! This is a naked skeleton, baby. Can’t get any more edited than that. Perfection!….Well, I liked it.

They read a wonderful high concept literary masterpiece query letter as an example for us all. It was just oozing with creativity and depth. It’s one of those query letters that you read and just shit your pants. You feel like you just emerged from a Cylon goo bath after you read that one.
Mine doesn’t exactly ooze anything. I write regency. They use the “squirt over there” method. Okay, in all seriousness. How do you make people feel that feeling? That “oh my God, I have to represent this person” feeling? That’s how you know you have talent on loan from God.

I guess I’ll just have to continue on with my ever changing journey into publishing. I will let you guys know if anything strange or paranormal happens to me. Aric, my strange and paranormal boyfriend says hi, and in case you were curious, here is my awesome 250 word query letter.

To Love a Beast is a Regency romance novel about a young debutant named Madison Fitzwalter who is kidnapped by mistake. Judged to be a fitting substitute for his intended victim, Madison is blindfolded and seduced by man who awakens a passion inside of her the likes of which the sheltered innocent has never felt. At the end of her illicit night with a man only known to her as Teddy, Madison is returned to London manor from which she’d been plucked and left alone to face the scorn and rejection of the Ton. Madison attempts to salvage her reputation by accounting for her absence from the London ballroom, but the Ton considers her compromised leaving her heartbroken and inexplicably pining for the mysterious lover who had abandoned her.
Charles, The Duke of Radcliffe, never expects to see this girl again after he’d seduced and released her. Charles is painfully aware that he should never have touched the chit delivered to his bed by mistake, but the young beauty is just too tempting, and watching the next morning as she is ostracized by an unforgiving Ton only complicates matters. Unable to stand by as Madison’s future is ripped from her, The Duke, who has inexplicably fallen for the lady he soiled and deserted, makes plans to forge a new future for Madison, a future where he is her husband.

Remember, If you see a hippie on the side of the road selling tie dye, buy one or ten.


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